it's hard to be insecure and be reassured all the time by someone else when i know that if i were that someone else i'd be screaming and shouting at me by now. and i'm very much aware of my incredibly annoying traits what would cause me to strangle me, if i were not me.

and so, i have resolved to not be so much like me, but more like someone i'd like to be. which is gonna be really hard to achieve, and it will take a lot of patience and teeth-gritting and deep-breathing exercises, and perhaps packets and packets of cigarettes to get anywhere on this scheme, but i'm still going to try.

because i've expended too much effort getting to this place right here, too much to just give it all up and walk off, even though it could be just that easy.