there is nothing less hurtful than people who don't pick their phones up when you really need to tell them something.

perhaps it's just the freak that i am, but i sort of plan my conversations and build up all this excitement and anticipation when i punch in the numbers and wait for it to connect... nervously tapping my fingers waiting for the person i'm calling to press 'ok' in their phone so i can scream the good news over the airwaves that make the 12,000 miles disappear for those few minutes.

but of course, i've been disappointed again and again. this is what being optimistic and believing that someone would actually like to hear from me, really does. crash and burn. '...leave a message after the tone...' and i put down the phone and put it back in its corner and walk down the stairs back to my room. rinse, wash, repeat several times.

i never learn, do i?

just a few weeks ago i would've flipped out and turned psych-paranoid with all sorts of scenarios playing out in my head. but these days, i just zone out and ignore it. i'm not sure which approach is better, but personally zoning out is definitely less stressful and let's me get on with other things. it's sort of like partitioning my head.

so anyway, the news that i'd wanted to tell. as you all know, i'm not going back for christmas, but i'm definitely gonna be back for chinese new year. if you must know. i'll make it just in time for reunion dinner on the saturday before the first day of chinese new year, and will fly off three weeks later. this is infinitely a better deal than going back in december, since i'll get to see absolutely everyone in my family and there'll be cheaper flights out anyway.

now i just need that phone call to get picked up so i can cajole, plead, whine and beg someone into coming down over one of those weekends i'm back in town.


i'm a rabbit in your headlights / scared of the spotlight / you don't come to visit / i'm stuck on this bed