tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40491092011-04-21T20:46:59.698+01:00essentially phunkstarcome try playingpunk with meejlnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7111100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1112889746561774522005-04-07T17:00:00.000+01:002005-04-07T17:26:08.553+01:00this is a reconstruction tooit's impossible to say a thing exactly the way it was, because you can never be exact, you always have to leave something out,there are too many parts, sides, crosscurrents, nuances; too many gestures, which could mean this or that, too many shapes which can never be fully described, too many flavors, in the air or on the tongue, half-colors, too many.i hope you've ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1105805506855768512005-01-15T16:11:00.000Z2005-01-15T16:11:46.856Zif i sit quietly in the dark, maybe everything will blow over and the sun will come out again. and when that happens, i'll be in the park with my face pointed towards the bright blue sky, with the smell of fresh earth and grass and the flowers in bloom abound.
if i can't see you, can you see me? and if i'm not there, am i only logically still here? but if i'm here, and you're there, where are weejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1105473359849997652005-01-11T19:55:00.000Z2005-01-11T19:55:59.850Zdj krush is playing at velvet underground.
i am ready to fling myself off the tallest building within a ten-minute walk. but the better idea is to just ignore everything that is happening on that side of the world and carry on my little insular existence - planet phunkstar, population: one.
transmission over. as you were.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1104267674447682472004-12-28T21:01:00.000Z2004-12-28T21:01:14.446Zalrighty, perhaps it's about high time i said something.
i am back from sunny ole espanol, and have been for a week. i spent christmas weekend watching loads of telly cos they've been showing really good films, i made christmas dinner of herb-butter roast chicken with roast potatoes and a carrot and swede mash for my housemate and i, i've attempted to read my contract textbook but i ended up ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1103459090780847402004-12-19T13:24:00.000Z2004-12-19T12:26:53.373Zhola chicos y chicas!
valencia, madrid and now barcelona. it´s been absolutely amazing, and barcelona is as beautiful as i remembered it to be.
will update when i get back to london. for now, the sound of the waves of the mediterranean sea, and the sun pouring through the windows is calling to me.
adios amigos!ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1102357385377759042004-12-06T17:55:00.000Z2004-12-06T18:36:18.770Zstanding on the stairs watching soul quantic orchestra playing, he dips his head from his protective perch on the stair above me and says,your shoulderblades fit my diaphragm perfectlyand that, folks, is about the sexiest random thing i've ever had said to me.
i instantly clawed through the alcohol and reassessed the situation - which made me stop stealing him and his friends' drinks and fags (ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1101935831082526582004-12-01T20:59:00.000Z2004-12-01T21:21:59.230Zbecause this is what i do while having dinner alone at home, i found several amusing personal ads in this week's the guide.
lottery winner seeks tall, fit, sharp M to help me spend my £10
obsessive and dysfunctional idealist, with impossible expectactions, seeks blissful r/ship with a sense of humour (ed - i like this one)
body of brad pitt, mind of stephen hawkins, 5'8, athletic build, good ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1101770828952321752004-11-29T23:27:00.000Z2004-11-29T23:27:08.953Zthere've been so many things happening at the same time that i'd gotten used to rushing from one place to another without stopping and being so tired that i just fall dead asleep at night. now i know why gerri can go at it like this for days and weeks on end - once you start, you get into a momentum that makes it seem like the most natural thing in the whole wide world.
but now that the play's ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1101084501212450112004-11-22T01:41:00.000Z2004-11-22T00:52:33.790Zmy room is still in a post-essay, pre-cleanup disaster area. and it's gonna continue like this, and worse, since the play's starting on wednesday and tomorrow's when we properly move into the theatre - so i'm gonna be shuttling between school and there for the whole week, making sure everything is in its right place at the right time, and coming home only to sleep. i don't see how i'm gonna ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100957771813474302004-11-20T13:11:00.000Z2004-11-20T13:36:11.813Zit's sad, but true. there was not one girl in the whole place last night that i'd consider getting into bed with - and this was while quite drunk and when everyone looks much better than they really do.
like matt said, the english are ugly.
and while i was on the lookout for some pretty girl that was gonna knock my socks off, people kept spilling drinks on my arms, in my bag, on my feet and ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100825069502962972004-11-19T00:44:00.000Z2004-11-19T00:44:29.503Zi've gotten myself a pimp - bbqpringles has promised to hook me up with reisende so we can get some girl-on-girl action going.
there are only a few girls i'd get it on with, and she's one of them. i just hope that she doesn't react badly to the proposition. and anyway, any action will have to wait till we're actually in the same country. but all these practicalities aside, she makes me wanna...ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100796462614873082004-11-18T16:47:00.000Z2004-11-18T16:47:42.613Zgingerbread latte is soothing and calming. i want to swim in gingerbread latte. have a bath in it. float in a coffeemug of gingerbread latte. climb the whipped-cream mountain and ski down its slopes, landing with a 'plop' in the yummily-scented sea of gingerbread latte.
and then i shall like to drown in that gingerbread latte. ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100703780517267962004-11-17T15:03:00.000Z2004-11-17T15:07:11.366Zthere is nothing less hurtful than people who don't pick their phones up when you really need to tell them something.
perhaps it's just the freak that i am, but i sort of plan my conversations and build up all this excitement and anticipation when i punch in the numbers and wait for it to connect... nervously tapping my fingers waiting for the person i'm calling to press 'ok' in their phone so iejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100699626793374612004-11-17T13:53:00.000Z2004-11-17T13:53:46.793Zstrange afternoon tv - hospital, snakeheads, chinese people in trucks, sick chinese people in hospital with respiratory problems. SARS outbreak in manhattan.
i'm still recovering from the essays i wrote. 2 essays in less than 36 hours has given me the coffee-shakes, pale sickly skin, eyebags that no concealer can conceal, waves of nausea and incredible cramps in my lower abdomen. who knew thatejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100549124958184862004-11-15T19:57:00.000Z2004-11-15T20:05:24.956Zso it's been a very interesting weekend, but a very tiring one as well.
crazy essay deadlines are hanging over my head like the swinging knife (or was it some other life-threatening weapon?) in the edgar allan poe poem - one down, two more to go. with one of those due tomorrow, i'm still going to the cinema with my housemates to watch coffee & cigarettes at covent garden. i can tell it's gonna ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100367558188846812004-11-13T17:39:00.000Z2004-11-13T17:44:54.693Zi just bought a £5/- lucky draw ticket. gerri said that i just might win the highly coveted ticket back to singapore on singapore airlines this december. well, highly coveted to me, anyway, since ticket prices have gone absolutely crazy. i'll either have to rob a bank, or win this damn draw, to get anywhere vaguely near home. who knows, perhaps i will be having a tropical christmas, complete withejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100284204365588312004-11-12T18:26:00.000Z2004-11-12T18:30:04.366Zthe christmas things are in the shop. twinkly lights, baubles, tinsel, ribbon and pine trees. chestnuts for roasting by an open fire. gold and silver and burgundy. christmas catalogs. pictures of happy families opening presents.
and i think back on all the christmases i've had.
when i was really young, we'd go to my uncle's house every christmas eve for a party. basically, it was an excuse for ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1100031012115581692004-11-09T19:55:00.000Z2004-11-09T20:10:12.116Zswimming
i've learned to swim in dry land. it turns out to be more practical than doing it in water. there is no fear of sinking, for one is already on the bottom, and by the same token, one is drowned beforehand. it also avoids having to be fished out by the light of a lantern or in the dazzling clarity of a beautiful day. finally, the absence of water keeps one from swelling up.
i won't deny ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1099916383218670872004-11-08T13:19:00.000Z2004-11-08T12:39:03.270Zif only things worked out the way we wanted them to. if only i had boatloads of money to fly to wherever i desired. if only i had a looking glass so i can predict the future. if only, if only, if only.
there is no greater violence than the cold face of silence.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1099604145621420252004-11-04T21:35:00.000Z2004-11-04T21:57:04.006Zhouseparty tomorrow from 8pm onwards, my place. there'll be lots of drinks, chilled music and a really cool crowd. anyone in london interested can come along. call/email me for details and directions.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1099530626277813582004-11-04T01:10:00.000Z2004-11-04T01:10:26.276Zthe heart is one tough cookie, i can tell you that. i might have previously gone on and on and on about heart breaking and shattering and all that jazz, but honestly, those are merely for dramatic effect. most times it's just my stomach churning and my ribcage threatening to cause death by axphysiation.
so, my heart is fine. better than ever in fact, which is precisely the problem.i can't figureejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1099328755667917912004-11-01T17:05:00.000Z2004-11-01T17:05:55.666Zi have until midnight tomorrow to finish an essay. i've got one paragraph down, which means another 1350 words to go, and an essay outline that's been stuffed with tips and advice from my tutor. it should be easy and simple to finish, shouldn't it? it will be if only i can get down to guerilla-essayist mode - finish most of it tonight so i can sleep easy and do my conclusions tomorrow. but fat ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1099148378206753512004-10-30T15:59:00.000+01:002004-10-30T15:59:38.206+01:00the lacrosse mystery
there was going to be lacrosse trials this morning, since everyone was to have gone and gotten their soccer boots and mouthguards and lacrosse sticks by then.
most of us had ordered lacrosse sticks from the same supplier and was supposed to have collected them between 3.30pm and 4.30pm yesterday, and so i did. but i was told that the sticks had arrived in school, but they ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1099096687808076522004-10-30T01:38:00.000+01:002004-10-30T01:40:45.640+01:00the milkshake adventure
me: can i have a milkshake please?
counter girl: what flavour?
me: what flavours do you have?
CG: everythin' but strawberry
me: well... chocolate then
CG: what size? medium or large?
me: medium
(CG goes off to milkshake machine then comes back)
CG: sorry, there ain't any chocolate. only vanilla or banana
me: vanilla (anything but banana)
(CG goes off again to the ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098875968739531472004-10-27T12:19:00.000+01:002004-10-27T12:19:28.740+01:00choa chu kang cemetery #3ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098817066242102222004-10-26T19:57:00.000+01:002004-10-26T20:02:09.973+01:00this is my amazing social diary for the next couple of weeks:29/10/04 Ig's birthday @ Fabric/Psy-Trance Rave @ the coronet
30/11/04 Pagoda Street Club Night @ Ministry of Sound
05/11/04 Guy Fawkes/Halloween Party @ my house
12/11/04 Thievery Corporation @ Fabric
20/11/04 D's Housewarming in Bristoland i haven't even filled in the blanks for weekdays yet! or any other good people that are ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098805135273674392004-10-26T16:38:00.000+01:002004-10-26T16:38:55.273+01:00it's hard to be insecure and be reassured all the time by someone else when i know that if i were that someone else i'd be screaming and shouting at me by now. and i'm very much aware of my incredibly annoying traits what would cause me to strangle me, if i were not me.
and so, i have resolved to not be so much like me, but more like someone i'd like to be. which is gonna be really hard to ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098637239954763292004-10-24T17:58:00.000+01:002004-10-24T18:00:39.956+01:00choa chu kang cemetery #2ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098488283164385832004-10-23T00:38:00.000+01:002004-10-23T00:38:03.166+01:00i got a box delivered today. and in it was my trusty desklamp from when i was sixteen and taking my o-levels, vitamins and supplements, packets of food mixes like singapore hainanese chicken rice, singapore chicken curry, cantonese mushroom chicken and bak kut teh, and a mini rice-cooker.
but the most important thing the box delivered was my teddy bear. it's goldenbrown and has a reddishbrown ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098308712451698292004-10-20T22:44:00.000+01:002004-10-20T22:45:12.453+01:00choa chu kang cemetery #1ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098306864596347912004-10-20T22:14:00.000+01:002004-10-20T22:14:24.596+01:00the aforementioned presentation? perfect example of my pathetic knowledge and bluffing skills. whereas the first presenter got praised for a detailed presentation, i was given no praise but lots of suggestions and help from the lecturer, i.e. i fucked up BIG time. i'm not even going to defend myself and say that i had the harder part of the presentation. it was miserable and embarrasing and i ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098212238810781842004-10-19T19:57:00.000+01:002004-10-19T20:00:06.376+01:00hungry ghost festival #2ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098138972434880702004-10-18T23:31:00.001+01:002004-10-18T23:40:02.170+01:00hungry ghost festival #1ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098136086043778172004-10-18T22:48:00.000+01:002004-10-18T23:10:33.823+01:00i am usually quite levelheaded and reasonable. but right now i am so insanely jealous that i could bite someone's head off like you would a chocolate rabbit. it's not a very good emotion to be having right now. it's causing a choking feeling, leaving a lump the size of a grapefruit in my throat, and making me edgy and irritable and generally not nice to be around. any emotion wouldn't exactly beejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1098035334022695232004-10-17T18:48:00.000+01:002004-10-17T19:06:20.676+01:00for the coming week, i ought to have ready one property law presentation, two commercial contracts essay outlines, four company law tutorial questions and about a million pages of readings for all those plus EU law.
but have i finished any of the above yet? am i in the slightest bit all geared-up and raring to go because i'm so ready? are you kidding? of course not.
instead of doing all ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1097778621431601022004-10-14T19:30:00.000+01:002004-10-14T19:30:21.430+01:00due to my lack of imagination, lack of energy and lack of anything else better to do, these are some of the tunes i've been playing over the last couple of days:sweetest decline, beth ortonroad rage, catatoniaphotobooth, death cab for cutiethe sound of settling, death cab for cutienowhere man, the beatleskootchi, neneh cherry feat morcheeba (air remix)camfire kansas, the get-up kidsgold in the ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1097596342788075322004-10-12T16:52:00.000+01:002004-10-12T16:52:22.786+01:00Sonnet XI
I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1097444224281817832004-10-10T22:37:00.000+01:002004-10-10T22:37:04.280+01:00getting back into the groove of studying is trickier than i thought.
i really want to start doing my readings, and getting ahead of my work, but all i end up doing is lie sick in bed while coughing my lungs out and watch 'victoria's secret history'. riveting stuff that.
but i have read the handout for my property seminar, and i will head off to the library tomorrow to pick of the coursepack. ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1097283285765922722004-10-09T01:54:00.000+01:002004-10-09T01:54:45.766+01:00i think bus-drivers are cool.
especially dem rastas wit dem dreads. cos they sure know how to have a laugh, slamming the brakes on the rowdy group that squashed their way up the rear entrance and prevented the doors from closing.
but i hate guys in their leather biker jackets and brylcreem-ed hair who go 'anything for you baby' when i say excuse me while trying to squeeze past them to get to ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1096982738049035722004-10-05T14:25:00.000+01:002004-10-05T14:25:38.050+01:00contrary to my otherwise funkycool choices in dance music, ubersavvystylish dress sense, totally drool-licious friends and my very attractive exterior (ok you can stop gagging now), i am actually very much a nerd.
which would explain my love for subjects like company law. i almost came in my pants yesterday when we talked about company liability, partnership liability and the raising of capital ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1096934618176777322004-10-05T01:03:00.000+01:002004-10-05T01:03:38.176+01:00slowly slipping back into the social scene, coming and going with all the rest of the old crew. they're now divided into the walworth road people and the holloway gang, the camdeners and the rest. it was nice seeing everyone and catching up with all the lost days, drinking wine and beer and sitting out on the rooftop talking till the sun lit up the morning sky.
and school's started again. my ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1096541378229133472004-09-30T11:49:00.000+01:002004-09-30T11:54:34.626+01:00these are two things i'd like to do soon:go to brick lane and buy a gorgeous smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel (or two), then sit at the outdoor area of 93feeteast and watch the light softly fall into darkness
stand at victoria station, stare up at the gigantic boards announcing departures and arrivals, pick a place, buy a ticket and go on an adventureand i hope once everyone gets settled ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1096368302388630212004-09-28T11:04:00.000+01:002004-09-28T11:51:32.396+01:00to all those i love - you know who you are.
"i missed having ___ there day to day, not just for holidays. i missed being ordinary. i missed the inconsequential revealing conversation you can only have with someone who is there all the time. i missed, strangely for me, the mundane, the everyday, the routine. i found that occasional meetings and crackling telephone calls and air mailed letters ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1096240575506751062004-09-27T00:16:00.000+01:002004-09-27T00:16:15.506+01:00i do things that i don't usually do - for anyone - for this boy. and i say things and think things that would never have occured to me before, and have feelings i can't hardly describe. but still i'm not freaking out by all this oddness of behaviour, and none of it strikes me as being strange. it all comes so naturally now.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1096035124514395582004-09-24T15:12:00.000+01:002004-09-24T15:23:34.130+01:00every morning i wake up, rub the sleep out of my eyes, turn over onto my stomach and sign-in to msn messenger because that's the only time our lives overlap comfortably.
but not today.
this morning there was no familiar handle on my list. i checked my watch and calculated, pushing time 7hours ahead. and 36 different explanations popped into my head, said hi and left. then i stared at this new ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095808953501787192004-09-22T00:22:00.000+01:002004-09-22T00:22:33.503+01:00*idiotic grin* i just found out that taka, one of two jap housemates i have, the one i haven't met, is taking a course at vidal sassoon. and for the next three weeks she'll be doing creative hairstyling and colouring. my day just got better. free hair-colouring. woot! ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095804867577542302004-09-21T23:14:00.000+01:002004-09-21T23:23:24.246+01:00having the essential caffeine dosage this morning with ling in covent garden, we both agreed that travelling alone for the 13hours it takes from singapore to london and vice versa helps to settle one's emotional turbulence in an unprecedented manner.
one reaches a rather zen state of mind when one realises that there is really nothing one can do while ten thousand (or however high it is) feet upejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095620681285894332004-09-19T20:04:00.000+01:002004-09-19T20:09:41.756+01:00i need you so much closer...
it's up to anyone's guess how the (greater) distance is going to change things, or not. and only time will tell whether the decisions made are right. and whether those decisions will actually be followed through, instead of waylaid and forgotten along this path strewn with more and more complications and difficulties.
one thing i know is that my head and heart are ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095497349425930502004-09-18T09:49:00.000+01:002004-09-18T09:49:09.426+01:00too little sleep. too much coffee. too many cigarettes.
unfinished photography project strewn across the dining table. 159 prints on the other table. negatives, cds, stationery and film canisters all over. clothes, books and open luggage on the floor. self-imposed deadlines looming in my head. too little time to fit in everyone and everything i want to see and do, respectively. and still i'm notejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095308737594959312004-09-16T06:25:00.000+01:002004-09-16T05:26:43.883+01:00i want to stand in the storm and feel the rain slam into my skin. the cold hard drops crashing, colliding into each other and into me. i want to feel the water surround me then slide off me. i want that icy-coldness one only gets from having stood stock still in the middle of a downpour. i want the water in my hair and on my face and between my toes. i want to be a child again, running through ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095175108374459062004-09-14T16:08:00.000+01:002004-09-14T16:21:11.246+01:00i give up. there are too many ifs and maybes for a resolution.
it's difficult enough, ceteris paribus. and now with so many other variables thrown in from all sides, it's impossible for an absolute answer to be derived from this situation. and, unsurprisingly, there's absolutely fuckall i can do about it.
except stare at my ceiling in the dark, while the moonlight casts soft shadows across it. ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1095009021225634362004-09-12T18:53:00.000+01:002004-09-12T18:27:27.526+01:00kuala lumpur in n9ne spaces
ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094988886570459512004-09-12T12:32:00.000+01:002004-09-12T12:34:46.570+01:00maybe if i write "i am ok" a hundred times over, i will be.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094895002071647262004-09-11T10:30:00.000+01:002004-09-11T10:32:38.860+01:00reason and emotion do not go hand in hand. they are not a happy union. they are at odds with each other, with reason trying to make emotion see the greater logic of things. emotion, on the other hand, is blind to everything but the turmoil and the rollercoaster ride it's going through.
most times, where a decision is required, reason takes over emotion and gives a measured response. a 'ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094829340158165552004-09-10T16:06:00.000+01:002004-09-10T16:15:40.160+01:00i'd forgotten how easy and simple it is. and how complicated and difficult it can be.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094704609648978112004-09-09T06:26:00.000+01:002004-09-09T05:36:49.646+01:00i've upgraded.
traded in all my heartaches the size of houses for one the size of a small east african nation.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094670642404661382004-09-08T20:00:00.000+01:002004-09-08T20:14:00.350+01:00these twilight hours when all are asleep but me.
when there are no other illuminated windows. those bends in time when i'm propelled into another space and and another place, while sitting there still very much physically in the present. when the person whose company i'm craving for isn't there, but merely a figure in my imagination.
these twilight hours i lapse into heartaches the size of ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094630560814252582004-09-08T09:02:00.000+01:002004-09-08T09:02:40.813+01:00Morning at last: there in the snow
Your small blunt footprints come and go.
Night has left no more to show,
Not the candle, half-drunk wine,
Or touching joy; only this sign
Of your life walking into mine.
But when they vanish with the rain
What morning woke to will remain,
Whether as happiness or pain.
- Philip Larkin ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094487159515781612004-09-06T18:11:00.000+01:002004-09-06T17:15:16.023+01:00bend and you wave, you’re barely away. i wish I could say tonight, that when you bend and wave goodbye, you’d take me with you.
so, i've been away to the dusty and hot town of kuala lumpur over the weekend with my parents and my non-ns-serving siblings. i've had the most fabulous time doing mostly nothing at all. well, of course i did the requisite shopping, but i didn't buy much. all the fake ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1094021873683668362004-09-01T07:57:00.000+01:002004-09-01T08:01:31.346+01:00alrighty, the best friend is coming back, for real. so i've gotta scoot off to the airport or i'm not gonna get my present (he threatened). it's gonna start storming, i think. this might just turn out to be just like my dream! except in my dream it took place in the dead of the night, and it's only about 3 in the afternoon right now. i also can't not go, because then i won't get my present. even ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093969452474012152004-08-31T17:24:00.000+01:002004-08-31T17:24:12.473+01:00i was napping, and i dreamt that i went to pick the best friend up from the airport.
it was a high-action drama-filled dream, with a thunderstorm, parked cars, lots of running in and out of buildings, creepy weird loner old man, empty building in the middle of the night.
there were also carparks and steep ramps and those flashing streetlamps things. and lots of confusion because i was gettingejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093885808458461772004-08-30T18:10:00.000+01:002004-08-30T18:15:41.920+01:00the windchimes are ringing crazily outside.
i've got a motherf**ker of a stomach-ache, and there's nothing on tv to watch. and nothing i'm interested in reading. and no food to eat except apples and carrots and celery. and other assorted canned food that may or may not be past their expiry date. there's also naught to drink but distilled water produced by my mother's new toy.
going to the ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093854557144561252004-08-30T09:29:00.000+01:002004-08-30T09:29:17.143+01:00just got back the film i sent in for developing, and they are gggreat. the lab has done an absolutely wonderful job with them, and i'm definitely going back there. they make my photos look gooood.
on the other hand, now that i'm done with the shoot for this temple, i'm gonna have to go down to the choa chu kang christian cemetery sometime soon. thing is, i have no idea how to get there. i go ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093583311780355172004-08-27T06:08:00.000+01:002004-08-27T06:08:31.780+01:00been very occupied with my photography project(s). 3 different briefs i've prepared, but only one can be put up, so i've been concentrating on the most demanding one.
there's been lots of running around and worrying that the lab won't process my prints properly (the first roll i developed there was no colour correction and everything was imbued with an icelandic blue). but i've also met some ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093454021524235322004-08-25T18:03:00.000+01:002004-08-25T19:00:51.753+01:00what else is there to say but goodbye my dear, bon voyage. i'm sorry i couldn't make it to the airport in time. i'm sorry i forgot to text you to say 'have a nice flight, enjoy yourself in pittsburgh'. i'm sorry i'm such a lousy bestfriendwannabe. but we'll see each other soon, maybe in spring, if i make it to new york. and of course, even if i don't, there's always next year. but next year is ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093270824476497742004-08-23T15:15:00.000+01:002004-08-23T15:20:24.476+01:00i'm such a bookmonster.
i gave in to the hype, and bought the da vinci code on saturday. i read a couple of chapters, then put it aside. after dinner, a party and a few hours clubbing, i came home around 2 and picked it up again.
and didn't put it down till i finished the damn thing at 7 in the morning.
my mom has banned me from buying any more books. she says at the rate i go through them, ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1093182372353818912004-08-22T14:43:00.000+01:002004-08-22T14:52:07.270+01:00of course there are things that i'd like to have done differently.
but these are things past and all i can do is live with the self-chosen consequences, and not make a big deal out of it.
because i don't believe in regrets. because i believe in making the best of a situation. because i don't believe i'm not stronger than this.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092882086697471532004-08-19T02:46:00.000+01:002004-08-19T03:27:21.886+01:00i watched collateral the other day.
and boy did i ever feel i was in the johnny walker ad that featured martin scorcese. or in a csi miami trailer (well of course i did. it's set in LA, which is west coast enough). i loved the way it was filmed, all rather dark and heavy with lots of tension and anticipation. very intense - i like.
i get a feeling the film would be good even if they cut it up ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092810890423386272004-08-18T07:30:00.000+01:002004-08-18T07:39:38.026+01:00I bought four books
oryx and crake, Margaret Atwood, hardback (!)
white teeth, Zadie Smith, paperback
ignorance, Milan Kundera, paperback
kitchen, Banana Yoshimoto, paperback today during lunchtime, at $6/- each.
am I a bargain bin queen or wot.
would've bought loads more if not for my having to pay for the rolls i sent in for developing yesterday later. seth was right. photography is an ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092799962547696982004-08-18T04:27:00.000+01:002004-08-18T04:32:42.546+01:00risking sounding like an old granny-like creature, i really do want to learn how to knit. think of all the things i could make! like gloves and sweaters and scarves and whatnots. and all the balls of wool yarn i'd have, in oh so many colours! and it would occupy lots of my time and (assuming that knitting costs close to nothing) it would prevent me from spending money down at the pub or out ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092732245099033362004-08-17T09:44:00.000+01:002004-08-17T09:44:05.100+01:00more conversations with my cousin
phunkstar.takes.a.hit. says:
please lor, youre as crazy as me
hold the mayo says:
me?!?!!
hold the mayo says:
little innocent ol me?!?!
hold the mayo says:
neverrrr
hold the mayo says:
u are on a whol diff level of psycho
.phunkstar.takes.a.hit. says:
no way
hold the mayo says:
way
.phunkstar.takes.a.hit. says:
we are from the same psycho stock
.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092730064604380742004-08-17T09:07:00.000+01:002004-08-17T09:23:29.773+01:00hmm.. just realised that there was a nav bar at the top of my page. interesting.
but anyway, i had a rather nice walk down to rgb today to hand in my two rolls of film for my class tomorrow. i had to do one on 'experimental self portraits' and i got sick of it after like 5 shots. so i took 15... and i hope i can pick 6 or 7 out of that to present it at class. the other roll is just full of ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092641683035086222004-08-16T08:32:00.000+01:002004-08-16T08:34:43.036+01:00conversations with my cousin
.phunkstar.takes.a.hit. says:
the one in yellow
.phunkstar.takes.a.hit. says:
ugly like fark
.phunkstar.takes.a.hit. says:
*touch wood*
hold the mayo says:
SHE LOOKS LIKE SHES ONLY 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092630246973966152004-08-16T05:17:00.000+01:002004-08-16T05:24:06.973+01:00sometimes i forget that i have to go somewhere come september. but most times it's a gloomy shadow hanging over me, constantly reminding me that this is the cross i chose to bear out of my wilful heart.
so i shall grin and bear it. and pretend that i really like all this moving here and there, all the jet-setting never-here-or-there where-are-you-now situations. smile and say, yeah i really ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092619808357823842004-08-16T02:28:00.000+01:002004-08-16T02:41:49.566+01:00Oh my god I have the strangest insect bites and scratches ever. On my ankles and on my arm. It wasn’t even this bad when I was diving at Perhentian. In fact, I hardly got stung or bitten by anything there! I swear I’m going to die of some yet-unknown tropical disease contracted, of all places, around Arab Street where I was traipsing around for my photography class.
And other than the great ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092384666766203212004-08-13T09:03:00.000+01:002004-08-13T09:11:06.803+01:00oh and going for lunch with the bosses is always yummylicious.
with the boss last time, we went to conrad hotel to have lunch, and i had this fab japanese set with braised beef or something. incredible. this time we went to the szechaun kitchen at raffles the plaza and had dim sum and wanton noodles. yumyumyum!
the other bigger boss brought me to marina mandarin hotel and we had this really ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092379472323051732004-08-13T07:30:00.000+01:002004-08-13T07:50:17.413+01:00because i can multi-task really well, i drew up this list of places that i'd like to visit, and even organised them according to region and trips i can make, while i was attending a legal&compliance training session in the boardroom.
places i'd like to visit:
- bali
- shanghai
- beijing
- hong kong
- krabi, phuket, koh phangan
- melbourne
- perth
- new york
- san francisco
- prague
-ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092294948895079012004-08-12T08:10:00.000+01:002004-08-12T08:15:48.896+01:00things get so out of hand at times that i want to just walk away.
just go off someplace and lead an alternate life as someone else, without anyone around who knew me from before. no one to bring all that baggage and history with them into my new clutter-free life.
and i'd like to float away on a lotus leaf into the sunset upon crystal clear waters. and i'd like to watch the sun set past the ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092194363304036422004-08-11T04:08:00.000+01:002004-08-11T04:21:25.843+01:00looking through the notebook i've used for the past year-and-a-half, an inexplicable sadness washed over me as i realised that i'll have to get another like it soon.
bookful of memories replaced by blank newness.
it might be a good thing, though. perhaps i ought to let go of the past and start off the next academic year with a notebook shiny and new. perhaps it'll augur well for my other life, ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092131522916671512004-08-10T10:50:00.000+01:002004-08-10T10:52:02.916+01:00You are a Siren. More adventurous than all with avoice like no other - you sit on warm rocks andsing to the moon and sea. Yet sometimesshipwrecks find you and raving men want you.You are a bottle of talent and power. What theunknown is, you seek to find. Youhave the moon and stars as friends. There are avery few of you, what a rare find. What kind of mermaid are you? ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1092117905478970032004-08-10T07:03:00.000+01:002004-08-10T07:05:05.480+01:00Let’s just say that diving is a beautiful sport, and I need to do it more often.
everything else is no longer of consequence, even if it did make for some strange mood swings over the weekend.
tioman in september sounds like a fabulous plan.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091775537111624392004-08-06T07:27:00.001+01:002004-08-06T08:08:17.463+01:00vote for change!
in this commentary, bruce springsteen shows that he really is the boss.
what a world away from the system we have here, when posts are handed to the next in line without a vote - even though it's the most important one in government.
i always thought that being a democracy, the number of votes garnered was a testament to a politician's mettle. apparently it doesn't work thatejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091765758733626162004-08-06T05:14:00.000+01:002004-08-06T05:15:58.733+01:00great
dive plans slightly askew by the fact that my dearest friend missed his flight due to an overlong meeting. in china. damn those chinkiechinks!
so now i'll be sitting travelling for 11 hours on the bus by my lonesome winsome self... yeah right. ive's is gonna be my stand-in guardian, and i'll be getting some much-required shuteye. good thing i brought a book and my md player with me.
ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091757510967485792004-08-06T02:56:00.000+01:002004-08-06T02:59:58.420+01:00*jumps around all excited-like*
it's friday it's friday it's friday!
long weekend long weekend long weekend~!
going diving going diving going diving!
wee hee!
now just another.. erm.. 8(!) hours of dullness to get through. i need help.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091756685907947312004-08-06T02:35:00.000+01:002004-08-06T02:44:45.906+01:00
i'm bored. can you tell?
ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091698400420235642004-08-05T10:32:00.000+01:002004-08-05T10:40:13.210+01:00ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091695763571411142004-08-05T09:38:00.000+01:002004-08-05T09:49:23.570+01:00well, to add to my lack of sleep, slight hangover and that swirling in my stomach, i just had to ask.
and so i got my answer.
although perhaps i wouldn't be in such an unbothered state as i am right now if i weren't feeling so disconnected with my body. maybe tomorrow morning the cold truth of it will hit me, and i will lie in bed petrified gripping my sheets till my knuckles turn white ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091676174475159252004-08-05T04:17:00.000+01:002004-08-05T04:22:54.476+01:00i've found the perfect method to circumvent the incredibly tight security on this network and at the same time while away my boring days.
let me introduce my new best friend: web based clientless msn messenger conversations
thank god.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091673760864404922004-08-05T03:36:00.000+01:002004-08-05T03:42:40.863+01:00eurgh.
i'm feeling unbelievably rough. remind again not to down jugs of long island tea on weeknights. going to bed at 4am and waking up a couple of hours later does not a happy worker make. i'm falling asleep at my desk. and i've got residual alcohol in my blood. it's making me feel really strange. i've also got two cigarette burns on my hand.
but it was fun. really fun. and i just know i'm ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091598814446820472004-08-04T06:51:00.000+01:002004-08-04T06:53:34.446+01:00there is no comfort in silence -
only the scratching of insects
skittering across the smooth tiled floor,
and the crackling of static
in one's hair.
ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091546670957855212004-08-03T16:19:00.000+01:002004-08-03T16:26:50.156+01:00on second thought, i think i'll dissolve. turn into a puddle, feet first then slowly drown in my own liquid - because i'd stand in a bucket, see. then i'll evaporate, molecule by molecule, and come down as rain. ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091520058607690632004-08-03T08:59:00.000+01:002004-08-03T09:00:58.606+01:00I shouldn't think i'd like to die.
I’d much prefer to slowly dissipate. To let my molecules dissolve into the atmosphere. To let them move from one area of concentration to another so that I am uniformly distributed in this gaseous state.
ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091434113653406012004-08-02T09:05:00.000+01:002004-08-02T09:08:33.653+01:00this is honestly getting ridiculous.
i spend eight-hour days in the office doing absolutely fuck-all. nothing. zilch. zero. nada. eight hours of surfing. eight hours of pretending to be occupied. i can't even take naps at my desk due to the open-plan layout.
then again, i ought not to complain - i'm getting paid for not doing a thing. now if only they said that i could come in at 10 or 11, ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091417053214382312004-08-02T04:13:00.000+01:002004-08-02T04:27:21.796+01:00and honestly, i think i have the worst luck with djs and events.
whenever i'm in london, some fabulous i-must-see dj will play in singapore. when i'm in singapore, this dj that i missed while i was in london, will be back there spinning some phat set. once is fine, i can soothe my breaking heart by saying that it's just unlucky. but twice? three times?!
and now that i'm going away for the ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091414181674499482004-08-02T03:21:00.000+01:002004-08-02T03:36:21.673+01:00this morning i overheard the cleaning lady talking to her child on the phone while standing in the corridor, hands on the cleaning trolley. from what i'd heard, her child was ill and most probably entreating her to take him/her to the doctors.
all she could do, however, was say that she wasn't going to be back anytime soon and that he/she ought to go to the doctor's alone. take some money from ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091337095921909312004-08-01T06:04:00.000+01:002004-08-01T06:12:22.426+01:00it's when the lights come on that we fumble for our things, straighten our clothes, run a hand through our dishevelled hair. and then we move, somewhat imperceptibly, away from each other, to look at an object in the distance in opposite directions.
it's when the lights come on that we forget. forget the secret things that happen in the dark, the stolen moments and whispered conversations. and ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091180688890475782004-07-30T10:43:00.000+01:002004-07-30T10:44:48.890+01:00this has got to be the dirtiest ever poem i've ever read.ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091179278549727002004-07-30T10:20:00.000+01:002004-07-30T10:21:18.550+01:00Gentleman Alone
The young maricones and the horny muchachas,
The big fat widows delirious from insomnia,
The young wives thirty hours' pregnant,
And the hoarse tomcats that cross my garden at night,
Like a collar of palpitating sexual oysters
Surround my solitary home,
Enemies of my soul,
Conspirators in pajamas
Who exchange deep kisses for passwords.
Radiant summer brings out the lovers
In ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091155156917521642004-07-30T03:34:00.000+01:002004-07-30T10:59:31.210+01:00I like running away
like I like floating on water while the sun warms my face. like I like the feeling of falling through air. Like I like driving my car on the expressway with the windows down and the wind whistling by my ear. like I like curling up on my bed with the shades drawn and watching scenes replay in my head. Like I like finding the perfect hollows of a body to settle my own into. ejlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4049109.post-1091144996364816622004-07-30T00:44:00.000+01:002004-07-30T00:49:56.363+01:00quattro, pepito, old man waltz, the black light.
midnight in a perfect world, free style, what does your soul look like.
six days, mashin on the free way, punjabis players and pimps.
.monosylabik.
ejlnoreply@blogger.com